In Search of Healthy Belonging: How to Stay in Society and Preserve Your True Self?

In many traditional, kinship-based societies, the adventure of identity and personal belonging is like a complex and delicate game: a place where being part of the group strengthens a person, but sometimes comes at the cost of wearing away the corners of one’s authentic self. In such environments, the need for “belonging” and the desire for “authenticity” often stand face to face. Yet, life is the art of savoring the scent of flowers while keeping yourself safe from thorns that can sometimes be painfully sharp. The real art is learning how to remain in the heart of the community without losing yourself.

The Issue: When the Group Shapes You

In collectivist, tradition-oriented societies, family, neighborly, religious, and professional bonds form a major part of every person’s existence. These relationships are deep and supportive, but also come with high expectations, judgment, and social pressure to conform. Sometimes, to gain acceptance, individuals feel compelled to hide parts of their feelings or personal choices. They might avoid speaking up, expressing opposing views, or acting against the group’s flow. This silence or “self-censorship” may be a way to avoid rejection, but over time, it leads to inner isolation and emotional exhaustion.

Why Does This Happen?

Scientifically, in environments where group value is high, the boundary between “I” and “we” becomes thin and fragile. Social structures, to prevent potential damage (conflict, separation, individual weakness), use hidden controls and tools like judgment and gossip to push people toward conformity. If these tight bonds continue unchecked, they can weaken a person’s connection with their authentic identity and cause self-alienation, like a system that rejects new energy and only allows the dominant form.

Strategies for Remaining Yourself Within the Group: The Art of “Negotiating Belonging”

Experience and research show that in such societies, those who successfully care for their well-being and identity tend to take a middle path—not full separation, nor blind surrender. They “negotiate” their boundaries:

• Choosing where to express oneself wisely: Not sharing everything with everyone; revealing sensitive and authentic parts only to safe people or spaces.
• Building new networks: Turning to online groups, informal gatherings, or cross-border communities to express the free and creative part of themselves.
• Setting boundaries gently: Rather than open conflict, they use soft methods like silence, not answering, or selective participation.

These strategies, as long as they are chosen from within and not forced by external pressure, help maintain mental health and foster personal growth.

Psychological and Social Consequences

At first glance, such a philosophy may appear as hypocrisy or inconsistency, but it’s actually a healthy adaptation. Those who manage to stay connected to society while strengthening ties with their authentic self are less likely to suffer burnout, anxiety, or emptiness. Excessive social pressure leads to increased stress, fatigue, and even severe mental health issues. But as long as one can recharge their “self” in parallel spaces or more productive groups, the psychological engine keeps running.

Conclusion: The Art of “Being Together While Staying Yourself”

Healthy belonging means being both authentic and connected—not cutting off roots, nor getting lost in the crowd. The art of living in collectivist societies is precisely this balance between social presence and protecting individual uniqueness. If we learn to negotiate belonging, build new support networks, and reinforce personal boundaries, dependence on the group won’t be frightening or exhausting, but will become a platform for growth, experience, and peace.

Ultimately, psychological resilience and true satisfaction come neither from rejecting society nor denying oneself. The middle way is about persistently seeking a space where you can be your true self, with all your connections. This art is, indeed, the key to lasting mental health in any community.